I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Holy sore nipples Batman
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
