for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
