I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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