that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The power of my boobs compel you
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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