Your tits are I can't wait for
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
