so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
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Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
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Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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