You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You are a genius and a whore.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
