My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
