Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
