I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
