I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
