I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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