is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
