Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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