I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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