You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
