just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
