Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
