I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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