DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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