I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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