This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
