I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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