i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
