Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
