My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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