it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
