hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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