Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
