This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
