you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
