He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Green mimosas i think yes
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
