my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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