Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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