i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
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She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
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No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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