ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
