No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
