my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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