So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
