you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
