yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
