Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
