I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
