bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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