She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
