Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I pour the whiskey from now on
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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