Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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