what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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