we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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