Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
