we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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