oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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