Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
