Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
