Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
