He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
