Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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