He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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