Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
3pm strippers are depressing
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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