I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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