I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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