If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
