Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
