They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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