Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
