u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
