Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
